1/3/00 vampcat1 (aka flaming cat) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc:

Anyway.  While I've never actually been able to find one (if I could, I'd have 
it framed and under a spotlight by now!) I heard that they used to advertise 
vibrators in catalogues as 'healthy', since women weren't supposed to get any 
pleasure from it.  I've always wanted to find an ad like that.  Or maybe a 
diary entry from the day.

February 14, 1837

	Theodore refused me again.  Told Ted I wasn't feeling well, took Little 
Jed into the bedroom.  Came out three hours later feeling much refreshed and 
ready to do Ted's dishes.

1/4/00 Mike (aka Progbear (aka Crusty McLardly)) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Fish Eye No Miko escribiů: >> 3) What was with the porno-soundtrack music every time Mr. Aztec/ >>Maya/Inca/Neanderthal/Whatever appeared on screen? I half expected him >>to start gettin' it on with poor, timorous Puma Dork. > >Let me just say- and this is coming from someone who LIKES male/male >pairings- >OH MY GOD, MY EYES! MY EYES!! I'M BLIND! I'll say. I haven't even been able to masturbate this week, as the image of the two with porno music in the background won't leave my brain. MAKE IT STOP! %-{)>

1/5/00 D. (aka Furbelly) on alt.fan.frank-zappa: In article <3872CF2F.8EF7653B@erols.com>, Michael Gula wrote: >Cosmc wrote: > >> "Is that a wheel of cheese in your pocket, or are you um...some kind >> of lumpy person?" --someone in affz sometime back >> >> I don't know who said it, or where it originated, but that quote was >> the last that made me spew with laughter. BTW, where is that quote >> from? > > >Leave It To Beaver? I thought that show was called Ellen. D.

[Note: Geir and Jack have been having a low-grade flame war on the Zappa newsgroup for quite a while now...] 1/5/00 Michael Pierry on alt.fan.frank-zappa: "Rev.Geir Corneliussen" wrote: > > Jack P. Armstrong wrote: > > > > >You have had more than enough time to get things clear under your > > >braindead scalp. You can no longer excuse yourself with beeing an > > >illiterate cretin. > > > > All your little accusations have little to no basis in fact, Geir. > > You wrote it yourself. > Will you guys just SHUT UP AND FUCK EACH OTHER?? God, the sexual tension is just getting unbearable in here! Surrender to your lusts and carnal desires and all that...

[For those who don't get this one - consider where Frank Zappa is currently residing.] 1/5/00 Bill on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Steve Homan wrote: > > For all the really stupid people out there who actually believed those TV > evangelists and right-wing republicans about all this Y2K garbage -- Frank > is having a field day! What morons! Every day is a field day for Frank.

1/5/00 J(s)P (aka d-range, aka scArA) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Ahem. An excerpt from a writing by Jess Nevins. > *Plonk*: the sound of someone falling to the bottom of >your kill-file. Generally posted as notification that you are >kill-filing someone. Pardon me if I am wrong, but doesn't this imply that a killfile is already sorta deep? I mean, if you have ten people in your killfile, a *plonk* would be feasable: | | | | | | | | | \|/ *plonk* However, what if your killfile only has two people? | \|/ *clank?* In an alternate viewpoint, a killfile could be a metal-walled dungeon into which plonk-ees are dropped. | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | \|/ | | *plonk* | ------------------------------ In this case, the only place where a *plonk* is not acceptable is if the victim falls on another one. | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | \|/ | | *thud* | | *OUCH* | |o o ooo o oo o ooo oo| ------------------------------ Maybe I'm giving this matter too much thought. Maybe I should just repeat to myself, "it's just a killfile, I should really just relax." Yet, somehow, I cannot. --J(s)P, o/~ like I'm psyyyyyyyyyyyychologically disturbed! ~\o

1/10/00 Judith Jacobs on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Jean wrote: > Ruth McIlhenny wrote: > > > > Jean wrote: > > > > > > Ok, ladies, what's it gonna be? Pecs, abs, or biceps? > > > > I'm going to have to go with eyes and arms. There's something about a > > man's arms....mmm... > > Really tanned, hairy arms? (thud) I also like to watch the way a guy > moves. If he strolls like a sleek predatory animal, well......(thud). Necks. Especially that really vulnerable hollow at the base, between the clavicles. --Judith, the soft spot where you can really get a shiv in.

1/12/00 David Blumenstein on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Hoodoo wrote: > On Tue, 11 Jan 2000 22:04:07 +1100, David Blumenstein > > >> > Sure -- how about a collaboration of aff-z artists... and (dare we > >> > dream) Mr. Schenkel? > >> > > >> > [not really joking] > >> > >> I am quite satisfied with the pre-eminent one. > > > >Isn't he eminent yet? > > It's just a front - or is that "font"? My city has some nice water fonts, but I wouldn't say any of them were eminent.

[In a thread about the "best" Zappa album, Mr. Ekman cleverly combines a few album titles to come up with:] 1/10/00 Christopher Ekman (aka working-papers) on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Uncle Meats the Mothers of Prevention Absolutely Freek Out! Ship Arriving Too Late to Save a Burnt Weeny Sand Witch One Size Fits Allures You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore East, June 1971 Everythingfish is Healing Nicely ...is that too many?

[Here's a little exchange from rec.music.progressive, where the poster known as CountV got suckered into arguing about the time signature of Pink Floyd's "Money" (an oft-discussed topic on r.m.p)] CountV wrote: > > Money is in "21/8". > > I guess the quotation marks are appropriate since the pulse in Money isn't > on the eighths, but on the quarter notes - of which there are seven to a bar > - hence 7/4 - you might want to make it 14/8, but where you get the 21 I > don't know, because there is no triplet feel there at all. --- mrs_babymash wrote: >Troll: 1, CountV: nil --- CountV replied: >I see you're still having problems with numbers. Either that, or humor. --- mrs_babymash wrote: >Troll: 2, CountV: nil --- Mike Dickson wrote: > It's called 'humour'. --- CountV replied: >Not if it isn't funny, it ain't. Then again, that seems to be the Babymash >trademark --- mrs_babymash wrote: Troll: 3, CountV: nil --- CountV replied: >For someone who's 'won', you sure seem to have a lot of vitriol. --- mrs_babymash wrote: >I have a plethora of lubricants. Bend over and let me demonstrate... --- CountV replied: >I won't go into what your kind of sophomoric typing reminds me of, but rest >assured that it has little to do with laughter. --- mrs_babymash wrote: In return, I promise not to make any grammer flames. (note: I've left the door open for a retaliatory spelling flame) [Troll, first serve, Set 2]

[Note: It was the last line of this one that got me.] 1/11/00 archmage74 (aka Nate The Snake) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: The Midnight Rambler wrote: >OPEN CASTING CALL: "Attack of The Eye Creatures" >We need the oiliest people we can find! Find yourself watching other people >make out? Like to harass waitresses randomly? Do you often refer to your >boner in odd, archaic ways? This gig may be for you! (Bring anything that >looks like a UFO. Or remotely like one.) >Report to: Lakeview High School, Lakeview Be A Hollywood Actor! Hot young director searching for hard-working people looking to start a movie career. Experience completely unnecessary. Must have carpet remnant. Apply to: Creeping Terror Studios Hollywood, CA (post office box number 33476) Please include nude photo.

1/12/00 Sean McFee (aka The Original Irish Bastard) on rec.music.progressive: Joe M. wrote: > On 12 Jan 2000, TOIB wrote: >>Robert wrote: >>> What about Le Orme? L or O? Die Form, D or F? The Beatles, T or B? >> Articles are generally not counted (again I'm thinking of books), >> so you'd put Beatles under B, and Orme under O. > How about The The? :) Curses!

[This thread got started by someone who bought a Zappa CD, then found that the liner notes were missing.] 1/13/00 Rolf Maurer on alt.fan.frank-zappa: On Tue, 11 Jan 2000 22:51:12 -0500, Michael Gula wrote: >computeruser wrote: >> >> BTW, I got ripped I didn't even get the "little insert" > >Write to Ryko and ask them for that little insert. > >The worst they can do is say 'no.' Actually, in my experience, the worst they can do is say "yes, by all means, it's in the mail," but they don't actually put anything in the mail. --- Michael Gula added: If worse-case scenarios is what you're after, it would be even worse to charge you for it and not send it. --- dukeoprunz upped the stakes with: Well, the worst they could do would maybe be more along the lines of showing up at your house with a big shiny-rotating knife machine, chopping you up into little pieces, ransacking the house for your address book, subsequently tracking down all the individuals therein, slaying them, having sex with their corpses, and doing something to fuck up your credit rating. But that might be a little extreme. --- Which made Michael Gula ask: What movies have you been watching? --- And "Rev.Geir Corneliussen" answer: Oh, he has just read this newsgroup.

[A comment on how difficult the Zappa Family Trust is making it to buy the new Zappa disc Everything is Healing Nicely:] 1/13/00 Bossk (R) on alt.fan.frank-zappa: SpeedyF wrote: > How can I order EIHN? I see nothing about it on Zappa.com ... I know they're not advertising it, but you go to zappa.com, and click on "Barfko-Swill ONLINE!!", and you click again and again (on "CLICK HERE TO ENTER" and "WALK THIS WAY") until you get the chance to click on "New Stuff". Then you click on "New Stuff", and EIHN is right there, in an old bathroom, with a sign on the door that says "BEWARE OF LEOPARD". :)

1/18/00 David Blumenstein on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Here's what I've learned from my course, Bachelor of Fine Art, so far: 1. Comics are not art. 2. Drawing is not painting. 3. Bigger is better. 4. If you draw naked chicks in your math book, youíre a scumbag. If you draw them on a canvas, youíre a tortured genius. 5. Anger can be productive. 6. The lecturers are not impartial, no matter what they tell you. 7. Donít wear your good shirt in the studio. 8. You donít necessarily have to do what they say, as long as they think you are. 9. Paint, dammit! 10. Studio, pub, home. Repeat. 11. Anything can be a palette, including half a Coke can. 12. Anything can be paint, including the remains of your lunch. 13. If youíre stuck, try the opposite. 14. It can be a "track-pants course" if you will it. 15. Everybody must get stoned. 16. Put a matte board behind it, and itís art. 17. If itís on a wall, the lecturers will give it a serious look. 18. Roger is a jerk. 19. Donít admit to liking Dali. 20. Say "post-modernistic" and "juxtaposition" a lot. 21. Know about obscure artists. 22. Get an art space with a wall. 23. Have skills in some other area. 24. Your life is not considered "research". 25. It helps to have been to Europe. 26. If you do go to Europe, visit galleries. 27. If it doesnít work out for you, try some other course. Any other course. 28. If the Head of Fine Art tells you about his troubles with his pieces in the National Gallery, just smile and nod like you know what itís all about. 29. Donít turn up to classes drunk unless itís theory. 30. Thereís a difference between "portrait" and "offensive caricature". 31. One manís trash is another manís "installation piece". 32. At a gallery opening, the ones wearing ponchos are either art critics or freaks off the street. (both?) 33. The lecturers say they have senses of humour, but usually they donít. 34. Whoever decides to pioneer product placement in artwork is going to make a fucking mint. 35. Get a Stanley knife. 36. Art is not design. Design people dress expensive and carry mobiles. 37. Art is about suffering, so get in on a share house as soon as possible.

1/20/00 Hoodoo on alt.fan.frank-zappa: John Henley wrote: >On this day, January 18, in 1952, Jerome "Curly" Howard [Horwitz] >passed away in Los Angeles, from complications of an ongoing (six >years or more) series of strokes. He was 48. > >Go easy on the liquor and watch your blood pressure, folks. And >quit the tobacco if you haven't already. What if there were a connection between all the whacks on the head he received, especially from Moe, and his strokes? And what if it were given a name a la Lou Gehrig's Disease. Curlyitis? Stooge Stroke? Whackaphiliac? Dope Slap Syndrome?

[Another masterpiece from Geir:] 1/20/00 Rev.Geir Corneliussen on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Here is a good old story fer ya, posted back when there were no-one around. Zappa feeding forty (Geir Corneliussen , 04.10.99 05:47) Newsgroups: alt.fan.frank-zappa The Feeding of The Forty After the end of the Show, Captain Beefheart and those who accompanied them gathered around Zappa and told Him everything that they had been playing. And He said to them, "Come and let us go to a secluded place and have a good time." And they took a bus and secretly drove to a lonely place. And the groupies saw them driving away. Many knew Him and ran there on foot. They arrived there first and met together close by Him. And as Zappa got out of the bus, He saw many groupies; and He was moved to compassion, for they were crazy about him and his musicians. As the day was almost over, the musicians came to Him and said, "This is a secluded place and the time is almost over. The girls are hungry, and in need for some real food for a change. "Send them away, so that they may go into the nearby villages in order to buy bread; for they have nothing to eat." But Zappa answered, saying to them, "Give them something to eat!" And they said to Him, "Should we go buy more burgers and give them something to eat?" But He said to them, "Go take a look, there is some burgers in the back." And when they knew, they said, "Five hamburgers." And He told them all to sit down on the grass. They were forty. And they sat down in a row. And as He took the the five hamburgers, broke them, and gave them to His musicians so that they could serve them to the groupies, and they distributed everything among the girls. When they gathered the leftovers, they filled twelve empty guitarcases with hamburgers, after all had eaten! A true miracle! But the burgers might have been enormous and the people might not have been all that hungry, so never mind. Next tale will be the one about Zappa walking on the water, since someone lost a can full of beer inside of the bus. -- Geir Corneliussen

1/21/99 David Blumenstein on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Malcolm Wales wrote: > Anyway, just thought i'd waste a bit of bandwidth by introducing myself. Maybe I should've done that: Hi, I'm David, and I'm a cartoonist. It's not as bad as being an alcoholic, but equal numbers of each end up in the gutter. I first heard Zappa last year, and since then I've been attempting (slowly) to own more. My turn-ons include fuzzy carpeting, ear wax and long walks off short piers. Turn-offs include Ray Martin, the word "millennium", and Ray Martin's hair. I realise no one outside Australia has ever heard of Ray, but it's really better that it stays that way.

1/24/00 "melcocha" (aka KY Mellie) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: The Midnight Rambler: > melcocha wrote: >> >> The Midnight Rambler :// >> >> > melcocha wrote: >> >> NO, I canNOT! That defeats the whole point. Pfft. And if you dare to call >> that a fart one more time... > > It is a fart. It is a big old smelly fart. Fart it is. I looked up > "fart" in the dictionary, and it said, "SEE Pfft." With a picture of > you. :) YOU should talk, Farty-Bo-Barty! I'm not even going to bother to try to refute your childish (yes! childish!) insistence that my "pffts" are farts. What I AM going to do, however, is remind you of the time when you let a long, loud one rip while we were talking on the phone, then tried to make me believe you were just "moving furniture." Mm-hmm. I have a keyboard stand, buddy, and it does not go "BRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPBBBBBBBBBBTTT!" when I move it around. So pfft on you and the horse you rutted on.

1/25/00 "melcocha" (aka KY Mellie) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Erin M. Evans: > I had a relatively nice Christmas, I guess. I got some music that some > of you would like [eyes rob] and some that some of you would hate. [glares > at mellie] ::hurt gasp:: Fine! Glare at me! ::weeps:: All I ever wanted to do was love you, Erin! Well, maybe I also wanted to stare down your shirt. And to dress you up like a Tobler Chocolate Orange so I could slam you onto my table and then rip your foil off. But I defy anyone here to deny that they've had the same thought.

1/30/00 "Erixa Lira" (aka KY Mellie) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: The Midnight Rambler: > God, you're high. Why? Why must I be high? ::stamps foot:: I think perhaps I am too lucid for you. >> > is enough for the Con itself. I would love to go, but it doesnt seem >> > likely for me. >> >> Ah, same here. Same here. ::weeps on Mistress Odie:: > > Nooooooo! You have to go! *takes out wad of bills* Whoo! Bills! My favorite kind of wad!

1/31/00 Diana Deacon (the Humble Acolyte) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: maclear wrote: > On Mon, 31 Jan 2000 09:33:45 -0600 Julia wrote: > > > > The Midnight Rambler wrote: > > > > > > Julia Sober wrote: > > > > > > > > Hey everyone! I'm a beagle. You can triangle me. *stew* > > > > > > I know what Julia did this morning! *cackle* > > > > Well, duh! I spilled cereal on my keyboard! > > > > Julia - and no, it was *not* what you think. ::glares at Rob:: > > You're getting to be more like Mellie all the time, Julia. First you're > doing bizarre random comments, now you're glaring at Rob. Soon you'll > be doing muppet parades, leering, handing out royal titles and stroking > Christine. Now, Micheal, honey. Julia's much more original than that. She'll be doing Rob in a parade, maclearing, handing out bizarre random glares, giving Christine the royal treatment, and stroking muppets.

1/31/00 The Midnight Rambler on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: scArA wrote: > > It's nearly 2:15 PM here on the east coast. According to my records, > today is the birthday of RATMMer and #ratmmer, err, me. I am a fan > of... um... music... and films... > > Jeez, Noah! How do you come up with these? You know everything about > almost everyone, and I don't even know enough about myself to write my > own! Let us help. Augustus "Big Tiny" Scara was born, humble and buck naked, to parents Vern and Verna Scara in the deepest hills of Appalachia on January 31 sometime in the post-cold-war era. Though poor, he was a happy child and could often be found whittling pornography onto his leg brace, playing Good Cop / Bad Cop with the terrified forest animals and polishing the jars of his fart collection.

2/2/00 "melcocha" (aka KY Mellie) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: The Midnight Rambler (Big_Rob_is_Constipated@bellsouth.poo):// >> Now then, if you suddenly started liking The Smashing Pumpkins... > > Now, now, the Pumpkins are not all moody and grumpy all the time. They I know, but Billy sucks! :) No, he doesn't suck. But he does have ego problems, which is why I sometimes don't feel like listening to their stuff. After I do listen, I always get the horrible image of him standing in front of the studio's washroom mirror, posing in ways that make him look "hot" and telling himself, "You are so good. You are fabulous. I love you. You *are* the Pumpkins. You are *the* Pumpkin." And then I cry.

2/1/00 Ed Stasium on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: The Midnight Rambler wrote: > > 1) Could someone proficient in ASCII art make something nice and large > that says "spoiler space"? I figure we could all grab it and then paste > it when we need it. Or does such a thing exist? > This probably isn't what you're looking for, but: ____________________________________ | Hi, kids! I'm SPOILY, the Spoiler | | Space Sprite! Fear my holy wrath! | | __________________________________| |/ __@__ | _/ \_

2/8/00 David Blumenstein on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Christopher Ekman wrote: > [Digression: Maybe this guy is in the Christian Identity movement. They > have concluded, through mysterious geneological contortions, that when God > deemed the Jews to be his chosen people, "Jews" actually meant "Gentiles." > The modern-day Jews, then, are supposed to be impostors. And I would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids.

2/8/00 The Midnight Rambler on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: maclear wrote: > > > On Tue, 08 Feb 2000 09:56:38 -0600 The Midnight Rambler > > wrote: > > > > > > Hey! I loved the 90's. Truly did I. In practically every way, even if > > > the music got crappy at the end. Of course, I'm willing to bet the > > > people Cat asked are all her age. Notice how people hate the decade > > > they came of age in? > > In the 80s I bought my first car and lost my virginity. The 80s rocked. But Mike... you're 60.

[For those who aren't familiar with the infamous Stephen Ratliff, he's best known around the MST3K newsgroups for writing a series of Star Trek fan-fiction stories where all the main characters are young children. He's also known for the really bad spelling found in most of his stories.] 2/10/00 "Fish Eye No Miko" on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Stephen Ratliff wrote in message <38a246f7.52491701@nntp.runet.edu>... >Michael K. Neylon respectfully stated: > >>After tonight's episode of Voyager (you know, the one with The >>Rock), they showed a preview of next weeks "special" episode. >> >>A bunch of teenage Borg kids take over Voyager. >> >>Stephan Ratliff, you are hereby required to stay outside 500 yards of >>the Voyager writing staff at all times! > >First of all, my name is spelled s t e p h E n r a t l i f f Stephen Ratliff is correcting someone's spelling... Just wanted to point that out.

2/10/9 "Fish Eye No Miko" on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Date: Thu, 10 Feb 2000 00:26:50 -0700 Tuttle wrote: >Next 'Star Wars' Aims to Avoid Racial Stereotypes > By Jonathan Bing > Although George Lucas' script is far from finished, >Lucasfilm casting director Robin Gurland has met > with major talent agencies to outline several new roles. These include >a Native American character, said to have a forceful, > spiritual nature; an Indian or Hispanic character; and an Asian >character, possibly trained in martial arts. [big snip] >======== >They want to end stereotyping so they create a spiritual Native American >and "an Asian character, possibly trained in martial arts."-- Bravo. I 'bout fell out of my chair when I read that. Oh, MY GOD! Don't forget the Black guy with great rythm!

[Note: Yep, I got lazy for a couple weeks, which is why there aren't many entries for February. Anyway, for this post, you need to know that I Peni Grandi are a fictional band made up by some members of rec.music.progressive. Sort of prog's answer to Spinal Tap. The part I love of this post is the cause of death of the keyboardist...] 2/23/00 Sean McFee (aka the Original Irish Bastard) on rec.music.progressive: >> An, never mind. He'd just steal the keyboards. > Actually, Sean, I can't play them, as much as i wish I could. Scott Heh. Me neither. But I'm going to have to learn eventually, since I Peni Grandi's keyboardist just died of choad cancer, and they're going to need someone for the comeback album.

2/22/00 The Midnight Rambler on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Rottweiler wrote: > > The Midnight Rambler wrote: > > > > Rottweiler wrote: > > > > > > And how about the Spice Girls' "If you wanna be my luva"? If I looked > > > as ugly as those five, I wouldn't have the privledge of choosing who my > > > lover was. > > > > The 13 year old incestous girls that ooze pink were taken, then? > > Okay, "13 year old incestous girls" is probably a reference to Marrissa, > but where did the oozing pink come from? God, not a day has gone by that I haven't asked myself that very thing.

2/24/00 Mike Dickson on rec.music.progressive: gberger@ucsd.edu wrote... > I'll never understand why people are ashamed of things they enjoy. If > you like it, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Period. Well, unless it involves goats and liquid detergent, I suppose.

2/23/00 Joe Mcglinchey on rec.music.progressive: On Tue, 22 Feb 2000, chrisL wrote: > >Yeah, I know it's hokey....but we're planning on having those "Hello...My > >Name Is" name tags. It will help further the sense of the prog community, > >and that's a good thing! > > Let's make t-shirts. Mine will say "Dungeon Master" on one side and > "chrisL-Mellotron King, Lover of Rickenbackers and Confirmed Slayer of > a fair number of Year 2000 Grammy Winners" on the other. Personally, I think it would be cool if you set up a podium at NEARfest where various r.m.p. nemeses can yell at each other WWF-style. For example: "..'Cuz lemme tell ya sometin', Gondoluh brother...When you step into that NEARfest auditorium with me...this Friday night...you might be prepared to listen to some music...you might be prepared to listen to them beautiful little moogs and whatnot...but Gondoluh Bob, I DON'T think yer prepared for the DEVASTATION...I don't think yer prepared for the CARNAGE...that will SURELY...ensue. And most of all, Gondoluh brother...I don't think yer prepared...for the Original...Bastard....KAMIKAZE!!!" --- Sean McFee (The Original Irish Bastard) added: "It's great to be here, in BETHLEHEM PENNSYLVANIA! ... for NEARFest 2000! . But before we get down to pleasure, there's a little BUSINESS needs taking care of. You see, there's a fellow from.. England-uh. .. who has decided to come and show us how *SUPERIOR* he is. I think you all know who I'm talking about.. ...and tonight, Dr Potts, *you* will be the one who needs a doctor! You have besmirched the good name of Bob "Chuckles" Fripp for the last time. He couldn't be here today, but he wanted me to send you a message. So I trained at home.. I trained for weeks, you know. All the time with "The Great Deceiver" playing in the background.. knowing that when the time was right, I'd be ready. So here I am, Dr Potts! I've brought the dance with me, and I've brought my patented Bastard Thumblock too! And when I'm done with you, the people here carressing their gatefolds, and all the millions around the world watching on pay-per-view, will let out a loud cheer, as you lie flat on your back for the one--two-----three." That does it. I'm bringing a green cape and a mask!

2/27/00 Adam T. Lindsay on alt.music.mike-keneally: Marc Ziegenhagen wrote: > >How about "jumping flipper through the hoop"? > > Freeing Willy? "...How far would *you* go for a friend?" That official tag line always cracked me up.

[This one is really clever, if you understand the whole Mac/WYSIWYG thing, and can figure out what the last letter of the post stands for.] 3/6/00 Mike Cohen on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Tom Carberry wrote: > Did you ever notice how much Mountain Dew looks like Prestone > Antifreeze? Guy Kawasaki called it the official drink of Mac programmers... the only one with WYSIWYP.

3/7/00 "melcocha" (aka K.Y. Mellie) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: The Midnight Rambler: > Stephen Cooke wrote: >> >> A romantic comedy starring Madonna. >> >> swac >> Have we learned *nothing* from Shanghai Surprise? > > Stephen, you're a learned man. WHY "American Pie?" ::softly sings in Rob's ear:: Bye, bye, Miss American Pie. Deee-rove my chevy to Old Navy till the levy was dry. And good ol' boys sat wearing Gap vests and ties...

3/8/00 Doug Boucher on alt.fan.frank-zappa: computeruser wrote: > Is Your Computer Possesed by a Demon? > SAVANNAH, Ga. -- Your computer may be possessed by a demon, a leading > minister warns. > Demons are able to possess anything with a brain, from a chicken to a > human being. I believe this. You should have had some of the chicken I ate a couple days ago. Damn, that was EVIL.That Colonel Sanders be needing Jee-zus! > And today's thinking machines have enough space on their hard drives > to accommodate Satan or his pals. We've got over 12 gigs now. I bet we can have a whole party of demons in ours! Woo hoo! > "One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel when I'm on the computer > as if someone else or something else just takes over.' " "Bill Gates was staring out at the screen at me! It was just HORRIBLE!" > The minister said he probed one such case, actually logging onto the > parishioner's computer himself. To his surprise, an artificial- > intelligence program fired up -- without him clicking it on. "The > program began talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he recalls. > "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your God is a damn > liar.' " "You've got mail - from Hell! BWA HA HA HA HA!" > Then the device went haywire and started printing out what looked like > gobbledygook. A Windows manual? > "I later had an expert in dead languages examine the text," the minister > said. "It turned out to be a stream of obscenities written in a > 2,800-year-old Mesopotamian dialect!" So, what's Mesopotamian for "Holy shit"? > Rev. Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer is possessed, you > consult a clergyman or, if the computer is still under warranty, take it > in for servicing. He says, "Technicians can replace the hard drive and > reinstall the software, getting rid of the wicked spirit permanently." Bob Falwell's Compu-Exorcism Service! Call today and recieve 100 free hours of AOL!" Sorry.

3/8/00 Bradley Evans on rec.music.progressive: David Rheault writes: >I haven't heard Suonare Suonare. Is that one at least in a proggy direction? No. It's the sort of folky pop music you'd expect to hear some guys playing on a street corner sidewalk somewhere outside a coffee shop while their monkey walks around with a mug for people to drop spare change into.

3/8/00 flaming_cat on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: According to the mystic runes, bill@Traveller.COM has sent us the following holy commands... > >Previously on "West Wing", maclear wrote: > >>As we all know, in movies science doesn't have laws so much as it has >>loosely enforced guidelines. > >E=mc whatever? I now have this vision of the writers sitting around. Writer 1: "How many strands does a DNA chain have?" Writer 2: "D'n'A? Is that like 7 Eleven?" 1: "I think so. Some guy said we should draw a helix." 2: "A helix? No way man. The feminists'll be ripping our dicks off. Make it a shelix." 3: "A shelix? That sounds like a condom! Make it a personlix." 2: "Like that's any better? THAT sounds like an orgy." Mellie: "Perfect! Let's run with it."

[Here's the set-up for this little flame fest - someone on the prog rock newsgroup had the nerve to speak ill of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". That brought some guy named Keith, who actually wrote a book on Buffy and apparently spends his time using search engines to see if anyone is talking about him, to appear from nowhere and start flaming...] Date: Sun, 12 Mar 2000 17:55:43 GMT From: Piotr Dubiel Keith wrote: > But, hey fair's-fair, perhaps you'd like to tell me what *your* great > contribution to society is, mate? Apart from hanging out on a newsgroup > discussing dogshite music that's thirty years out of date (if it was > ever *in* date), of course... You know, the fact that you just insulted what most of us listen to just makes us so much more interested in your book, you tosser. --- From: Sean McFee Keith awakens Beta 14 OK: > some bird and/or geezer called Mike Dickson said >>> Mike, I recommend you read Keith Topping's essay's on the semiotics of >>> "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is his book "Slayer". >> >>Anyone who feels it necessary to write an essay on this sort of subject >>should have his pencil taken away. > Actually, I didn't write it with a pencil. I wrote it on a word > processor and sent it to my publishers who published it as part of a > book that's sold 20,000 copies in the UK alone in its first three > months. No wonder the Commonwealth's a shambles. > But, hey fair's-fair, perhaps you'd like to tell me what *your* great > contribution to society is, mate? Apart from hanging out on a newsgroup > discussing dogshite music [... Gee, guy, you threw away how much of your life writing an edumakashunal treatise on Buffy, and you're talking about someone else? *Anyone* else? You'd have contributed more to society if, at the moment your idea first struck you, you'd sharpened the pencil and stuck it up your ass. You could have then dragged your butt across a nice, clean canvas and written "I've been a naughty boy" in blood until you passed out. Of course, that would probably sell 30,000 copies in the UK. --- From: Mike Dickson keith@tooon.demon.fekoffspammers.co.uk wrote... > Actually, I didn't write it with a pencil. I wrote it on a word > processor and sent it to my publishers who published it as part of a > book that's sold 20,000 copies in the UK alone in its first three months. Like I give a fuck. > But, hey fair's-fair, perhaps you'd like to tell me what *your* great > contribution to society is, mate? My continued existence. Incidentally, I don't believe that you have described the 'great contribution to society' for which you are responsible. > Apart from hanging out on a newsgroup discussing dogshite music that's > thirty years out of date (if it was ever *in* date), of course... So I suppose you're about to explain why you are reading the newsgroup in question, are you?

[More fun with ASCII - this was much funnier seeing it added to the thread one "sign" at a time, but you'll get the idea...] 3/13/00 David Wilcher on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Sam and/or Karen Rouse wrote: > David Blumenstein wrote: > > Michael Gula wrote: > > > > > > +----------+ > > > | DO NOT | > > > | FEED THE | > > > | TROLLS | > > > +----------+ > > > | | > > > | | > > > .\|.||/.. > > > > > > -- > > > > > > +-----------+ > > | SPAM | > > | KILLS | > > +-----------+ > > | | > > | | > > _\-*%+*_ > > +---------------------------+ > | \ \ / / | > | \ \ / / | > | \ Picture YOUR / | > | \ ad HERE!! / | > | ( ~|~ ) | > | ( * ) | > | *-----------* | > +---------------------------+ > | | > | | > | | > \.\|.||/.. > > -- +---------------------------+ | \ \ / / | | \ \ / / | | \ Burma / | | \ Shave / | | ( ~|~ ) | | ( * ) | | *-----------* | +---------------------------+ | | | | | | \.\|.||/..

[This one is maybe a *bit* too harsh on Phil Collins, but...well, then again maybe it's not.] 3/15/00 Adrian Clark on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Ron Spiegelhalter wrote: > Yes, those shows are being released on DVD as the "Classic Albums" series. > "Songs in the Key of Life" was the Stevie Wonder episode. I don't think > they've aired on US television though. I think they're also doing Phil > Collins' "Face Value," an episode I will be sure to run from at top speed. Just imagine that... 00:00 - 00:30 "Okay Phil, tell us about the gated reverb and how you accidentally discovered it..." 00:30 - 01:30 [Embarrassed silence] 01:30 - 02:00 "So Phil, would you say the discovery of gated reverb has affected your career in any way?" 02:00 - 04:30 [reconstruction of Phil Collins accidentally discovering gated reverb] 04:30 - 05:30 "So Phil, tell us about 'Oliver'. Did your experience as a child actor prepare you for live as a global rock star?" 05:30 - 07:00 [embarrassed silence] 07:00 - 08:00 "You played the Artful Dodger, didn't you? Did that prepare you for your music career in any way?" 08:00 - 08:10 "Did you ever feel uncomfortable as the chirpy Cockney geezer member of Genesis?" [etc] That's going to be one to watch, folks.

3/15/00 Tony Wilkes on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Lewis Saul wrote: > My kids break into hysterical laughter when they see me playing a record. > They come in and look and fetish the cover and watch me put it on, as if I > were winding up an old gram Have they ever seen one of the old ones that let you stack seven or eight albums at a time? I was fascinated by those when I was a kid, even though it never used to play properly when you had more than about three records on the turntable. Probably a bit frustrating for adults though. You'd sit down and carefully work out a couple of hours of vinyl-fury, load them onto the spindle in order, listen to the first side and kerTHWUMP - all eight drop down at once and you're treated to a frictionless melange of 1970s easy listening... '...scherrrRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMaaaaaaah... rrrroooooooo... ...rrrrrRRRRRROOOOOOOOOWHHHHHHHiiiiiirrrrrr... ...schPEEEEEEEEEGllluuuuuummmmnnnnn... fssssssk... fSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSk...'

3/23/00 Paul Beecham (aka ProgMAP) on rec.music.progressive: Gavin Bailey wrote: > > On Thu, 23 Mar 2000 11:49:00 +0000, ProgMAP wrote: > > >Note that I have spared the belgians this post. > > If humane consideration for Belgians concerns you, you must admit it's > a pity they weren't spared stadium tours by Emerson, Lake and Palmer. > If they survived Hitler's european tour, I imagine they took ELP in their stride.

[I debated whether I should put this one up due to the controversial political content, but this is just such a completely-over-the-top flame that I couldn't stop laughing at it...] 3/27/00 Brian Trosko on rec.music.progressive (crossposted everywhere): Thomas Arena writes: : >:defending drug abuse. He referred to fully functional drug addicts, as : >:if there is such a thing, : > : > Dumbass. What do you think smokers are? : He was referring to Axle Rose, so I don't think it was at all about : cigarettes. I don't give a piss what he was referring to, you goatfelching nimrod. *You* said he referred to "fully functional drug addicts," and went on to dispute that such people exist. You're wrong. You're beyond wrong. You so staggeringly, slack-ass-ignorant *wrong* that merely conventional degrees of wrongness actually approach being right. : Nicotine may be a form of drug dependency, May? Christ, not only are you such a lackwit that you embarass real conservatives with your allegiance, people who possess functional frontal lobes but don't like invasive government, but you're also apparently from a tobacco producing state that grows rich on tax subsidies. There's no *may* about it. It's a drug. It's an addictive one. People get addicted to it. Easily. : but it does not : exactly affect behavior. Stop. Stop right now. Turn off the computer. Take a break, go outside. Read a book. Maybe find some kind non-hydrocephalic individual to help you with the big words. Don't come back until you've given *not* being ignorant a try, if only for five minutes. Of *course* it affects behavior. That's why people *smoke* the stuff. It binds to dopamine receptors, and stimulates release of dopamine. It makes people feel good. : I don't support the anti-smoking crowd at : all. Bully for you. The issue at hand isn't what you support or what you don't support. The issue at hand is that you're a pig-ignorant dirteater. And that's what's so funny about the Rush crowd. I've actually worked with people who listen to the guy on a regular basis. Sure, I was able to restrain the urge to pry their jaws open so far with a crowbar that the sound of shattering bone could be heard throughout the office, rip their radio plug out of the wall, strip the ends off, and apply 120V 60Hz AC right down their throats and directly across their hearts, but I don't expect credit for that. No, actually, refraining from such gleeful self-indulgence actually led me to make a few observations. First of all, I learned that on rare occasions, Rush actually has a point. Rarely, to be sure. But sometimes, he does. But, come *on*. Clinton's president. It's guaranteed that anyone whose sole purpose in life seems to be to lambast Clinton at every advertiser-given opportunity will come out with something that makes a vague sort of sense from time to time. Second, and more importantly, I learned that it doesn't matter how right or wrong he turns out to be, because the audience that actually chooses to listen to him on a regular basis is the most genetically defective, morally vacant, intellectually impaired, slackjawed bunch of unimaginative slavishly devoted deviants since the Great Cultural Revolution. Thanks for being such a stand-up example.

3/27/00 CountV on rec.music.progressive: On 00/03/27 Jeff Glatt uploaded to the Usenet, for all the world to see, the following: > Guy Berger wrote: > >> Jeff Glatt wrote: > >>> As for your slander about an alleged stalking of Wendy Stark, that's >>> absurd. >> >> You are apparently dumb as a rock. > > What is allegedly "dumb" about noting Paul Beechum's "smokescreen"? Hot DAMN. I think Guy may just have insulted rocks.

[I don't know who this guy is, but he really has a way with insults...] 3/28/00 Brian Trosko on rec.music.progressive (and crossposted all over): Thomas Arena writes: : Hey, get off the freaking smoking topic. I made it perfectly clear : yesterday that my original post was about narcotics, not cigarettes. Too bad you didn't say that in your original post, felchface. See, people who actually know how to *use* the language we were raised and educated to speak can actually manage to write what we mean and say what me mean. But by all means, let's get off smoking, and confine our discussion to the evil, nasty, hard, *illegal* drugs, booga-booga. : drug, i never questioned that. But it does not at all affect behavior : like the hard drugs i referred to. Hard drugs? Are *these* the criteria you use to determine the quantified hardness of a drug? : After you smoke a cigarette, can you : drive a car safely, operate heavy machinery? Pass a work drug test? Jesus 12-step Christ Mainlining Heroin Into His Eyeballs, you manage to get stupider and *stupider* as time progresses, don't you? After you drink a 12-pack of beer, can you drive a car safely? No. Can you operate heavy machinery? Pass a work drug test? No. Therefore, alcohol's obviously an evil, nasty, *hard* drug, booga booga. Let's ban it and start throwing people into jail for 10 years if we catch 'em with a case, because that's obviously a distribution-weight quantity. Pass a work drug test. People keep telling me that it's not possible to underestimate human intelligence. You'd think one day experience would teach me to agree with that, but I keep being boggled on almost a weekly basis. The dextromethorphan in fucking *Nyquil* will be pegged as an opiate on a work piss test. Ban Nyquil? Seriously, how do you determine whether or not a drug is hard? Sounds to me like you basis of determination is Schedule I, a bunch of words on paper that have precious little to do with actual reality. Like the rest of the hordes of Limbaughts out there, you take whatever comes out of his prattling, chubby, jabbering head as TRVTH, with nary an iota of mental processing power given over towards skepticism or incredulity. Bra-vo. You're the end product of roughly 4.5 billion year's worth of the evolution of life, the culmination of tens of thousands of years of human social interaction, and there're apes who use their heads more than you. [snip] : That was my whole point. As I said, the DJ was irresponsible. Why? For telling the truth? Such people exist. That you're blissfully, *bizarrely* unaware of their existence in no way indicates irresponsibility on the part of whoever informed you of that fact. : people among their ranks. But for you, being a conservative at all : makes someone a bad person. No, you knckledragging choadyodeler, being a hypocrite makes someone a bad person.

On 3/28/00 "Bloke" (aka drquirky) offered this brilliant definition of "progressive rock" on rec.music.progressive: Tony Cooper wrote: >Actually, I'm not sure what progrock is. By name, it is >progressive...but what has it progressed to? or from? I feel very old. I presume that one day in early 1970, some bright spark decided the way rock should progress was with a 20 minute wah-wah arse flute solo leading into a half whispered, half screamed paraphrasing of the introduction to "Lord of the Rings".

4/3/00 eraserhead667 listed his favorite music on alt.music.mike-keneally: Yes King Crimson Emerson Lake And Palmer Gentle Giant Rush - I'm a 70s progboy (Progboy and Progboy's Mellotron sold seperately) and I always will be. I'm the prog old fart, too - "Damn kids with yer Dream Theater and yer Spock's Beard! When I was a kid, we had REAL prog! We wore capes and stuff! Get off my lawn!"

Here's a fun little rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc exchange from 4/4/00: Mike Clear wrote: >Anyhoo, if any of you who are still puttering around the internet with your >swell little dial-up connections are feeling jealous, YOU SHOULD BE! > >BUWAHAHAHA! --- Christine (aka odiepal (aka Mistress Odie)) replied: Sometimes I don't know why I stalk you, Mike. I wonder if you're even worth my time when there are so many other deserving ratmm men that still, for whatever reason, haven't killfiled me yet. You and your unending smug. "I have my own domain name! I have a new computer! I have a cable modem! I have a job as an erotic dancer and go by the name of Miki!" Pfft. Sometimes I wonder about you. Christine ## "So much temptation to smack everyone." -Mellie ## --- Michael Clear came back all: This makes me glad I haven't also bragged about my endless wealth and the fact that I've banged every Playboy Playmate since 1983. I'll be sure never to mention those things. --- Which caused Bryan Lambert to go Ultra on him: Dude. Fender benders outside The Mansion don't actually count as "banged" in the biblical sense. --- P. Shaughnessy noted: I don't think "banged" has a biblical sense. Least not in my Bible. --- Michael Clear clarified: You've obviously never read the little known chapter of the Bible called the Book of Hefner. --- Chris Gleason quoted: "And, lo! His handmaidens brought forth to Him His smoking-jacket, and His pipe, and His brandy, and His slippers, and His ass. And there, He laid her upon the firmament, and it was good." -- Hef. 6:18-25ish --- and Big Rob The Midnight Rambler read the final verse: You didn't get the New New American Bible? They replace the "begets" with a list of everyone the Twelve Tribes banged. Here's an entry: "Mary: Not bad, but weird holier-than-thou attitude. And she's not exactly manna from heaven, if you know what I'm saying. AND she said the kid was mine. I'm still mad about that. I rate her 3 1/2 stars in the East."

[The following post came a few days after a massive flamewar over the composer Wagner finally died out:] 4/5/00 Mike Dickson on rec.music.progresive: jeller wrote... > > Our original plan was to have everyone listen to a piece of music > > first, but figured the logistics of that were too scary. That, and > > try and find something we could all say something constructive about. > > There's always Wagner. Consider yourself kicked in the testicles with astonishing force.

[This post was about a new prog-rock chat room:] 4/6/00 *Legion* (aka Brendon Rapp) on rec.music.progressive: >Woo. I'll be there, grid willing. Now if we just find stuff to talk >about... :) I've got it covered. If we hit a dull spot, I'm going to break into some SNL-style McLaughlin Group. Issue One: Who is your favorite prog band? IRISH BASTARD! TOIB: Well, I really like ... WRONG! Rev-rev-rev-rev-rooooom! Reverend! Reverend: Well I'm a pretty big Ye... WRONG!!! Noah's Ark! Noah: Uhmm... I really dig Le... WRONG! You all love Montefeltro. NEXT ISSUE!

[On the subject of King Crimson's constant re-release of CDs that sound just a tiny bit better than the previous release:] 4/10/00 Mike Dickson on rec.music.progressive: djmac@paradise wrote... > It's not complicated at all. You need to get ALL of the new 24-bit > remasters. They are way ahead of the '89 remasters sonically (and > package-wise, if you're quick and get the card-sleeve versions). > Probably way ahead of most vinyl pressings too. Uh-huh. And will stay that way until next year when Fripp discovers a 64-bit marketing device. I understand that the 'Canine Audio Release' is tabled for release in 2004.

4/10/00 Sean McFee (aka The Original Irish Bastard) on rec.music.progressive: Curtis A awakens Beta 14 OK: > Greetings all, Greetings, Curtis! > Now that I am feeling (somewhat) confident of my decision to end my > lurking isolationist ways, Welcome to Hell. Population: you.

4/10/00 Diana Deacon on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Carl Burke wrote: > Nemo wrote: > > The Midnight Rambler wrote: > ... > > > Someone! Give me a subject! I feel a hoedown comin' on! > > > > > > > Hmm...Pepsi's syringe disaster of 1993. If that won't work for ya, try > > Wayne Gretzky. > > Driving the Zamboni is really lots of fun, > I like to chase the skaters, I like to watch them run, > It's kinda hard to catch them unless they take a fall, > But I still love the sound of crushing Gretzky 'gainst the wall. When Carl drives the Zamboni, he's really quite the man. Crushin' and-a pushin', he's not Wayne's biggest fan. Gretzy is retired now, so he's not here to fight us. Guess that meeting Carl is why Wayne's shilling for arthritis!

[I just like the signature on this one...] 4/20/00 Tracy Deuel on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Once upon a time, Stephen Cooke wrote: > >On Thu, 20 Apr 2000, flaming cat wrote: >> flaming "unzip!" cat > >swac >Well, as long as you're down there... Why would swac want a bikini wax? Tracy- I'm not naive, just dense

4/24/00 "impenetrable melcochita golden" (aka KY Mellie) on rec.arts.tv.m.m: Come to my window, Randy Golden: > Tom Ward asked and asked: >> BTW, what's with these names at the end of the descriptions of each >>person in the FAQ, > > Before Jess adds any newcomer to the FAQ, their first requirement is to > bring him the nose hair of a famous celebrity. Jess then adds said > newcomer to the FAQ, annotating their donation. Wait, a NOSEHAIR? Oh, god. I thought it was a "nad hair." I better email Jess. He won't be pleased. ::frets:: >> and why don't they also list the posting name they go >>by in here as well. > > "Posting Names" are just "Labels". We aren't down with being "labelled" by > "The Man", so we don't celebrate our "Labels", we celebrate Ourselves. Or > something. I accuse Melli--I mean, Melcoc--uh, I mean, Elir--uh, I mean, > thorcoch--uh, I mean thong thong thong th thong. That's "thong TH thong thong thong" to you, plebe. ::shakes head:: Sometimes I worry about you, Randy. > [And that's one of the least impenetrable in-jokes you'll see in a while. Mmm... impenetrable. My favorite adjective.

[To get this one, you've got to know that Zappa has a song called "Orin Hatch on Skies"] 4/25/00 Michael Gula on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Lewis Saul wrote: > all those -ski's -- so hard to keep em apart. > > Paderewski, Penderecki, Lutoslawski, Polanski... Orin Hatchonski...

4/25/00 ProgMAP (aka Paul Beecham) on rec.music.progressive: Dave Zeriger wrote: > > Richard Barnes wrote: > > Good, very adventurous stuff, but as with many of these 90s > > new-progressives, they think the vocalist has to song like he > > has a pack of ferrets down his pants. > > Actually, I think vocally Patton has an exceptional range. It's an exceptional pack of ferrets.

4/26/00 The Midnight Rambler on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Jeffrey Johnson wrote: > On like Wed, 26 Apr 2000, The Midnight Rambler was all: > >Jeffrey Johnson wrote: > >> On like Tue, 25 Apr 2000, The Midnight Rambler was all: > >> > > >> >Bill, I understand you have a great big... > >> > > >> >(Dammit, I'm gonna make this thread about huge penises if it kills me.) > >> > >> There you go, Rob! I did it for you! > >> > >> Now, in the Macrophallicon, I will be playing the part of Priapus. Let > >> us begin. > >> > >> The Macrophallicon > >> Act I > >> > >> [an empty Roman steam bath] > >> [enter Priapus] > >> > >> Priapus: My goodness! What a long, hard day writing poetry so that > >> others can translate it into inferior languages for millenia to come! > >> I'm swamped! Thank Jupiter for this steam bath! > > > >Phaedo: For truly, thou art hung. Like the Gardens of Babylon. > >Socrates: That reminds me. I owe a cock to Aeschylus. Remind me, won't > >you? > > Priapus: Certainly, Cock-ra-tease. That reminds me, Phaedo, what is that > you have down there? I've seen bigger thumbs on children. Say, look! > Here comes Areolus, always wearing that towel! Phaedo: Let us not get started on what you have seen on children. Socrates: For truly, I have your shining city on a hill. HANGING. Phaedo: He is not worth the trouble, Socrates. Areolus: Gentlemen! Look away, I beseech you, as I enter.