[On rec.music.progressive, after one poster started several threads asking what
 the best prog bands of the 70s, 80s, and 90s were, one wise guy decided to
 start a thread asking what the best prog band between 1969 and 2000 was...]

10/25/00 Davin C. Flateau on rec.music.progressive:

Bradley Evans wrote:

> Scratchie writes:
> >ProgNot wrote:
> >: [1969-2000]
> >: My prog collection is rather thin in these years... I'm curious, what
> >: were some of the highlights of this time period?
> >
> >Asia.
> I tried getting into Asia, but they were a bit too experimental for me.
> I'm looking for someting less "out there".

You have a friend in the Phil Collins solo albums!

10/30/00 Dr. Winston O'Boogie (aka Dave Lynch) on rec.music.progressive: JuncoX come on down: > Sorry. I'm being fecitious. Hey, now, cut that shit out.

11/2/00 ProgMAP on rec.music.progressive: Zero the Hero wrote: > > John DiFool spluttered: > > > Try Can's "Augmn". At an appropriate point, have some guy dressed > > as Cthulu appear in the doorway, wriggling his tentacles menacingly... > ^^^^^^^^^ > AGGHH!! > > Oh, for a second, I read that differently... It's a good trick if you can do it.

11/6/00 Cosmc on alt.fan.frank-zappa: On Mon, 06 Nov 2000 00:35:42 GMT, Stu Mark wrote: >Do you realize that it's possible that your grandchildren will one day be >able to read through all your Usenet posts? > >Stu >(who is not sure what to say next) And they, too, will be able to enjoy all of your grand parenthetical statements...

[Hijacking a thread called "Final Election Thoughts", melcocha changed the subject to "Final Electron Thoughs" and...] 11/7/00 melcocha (aka K.Y. Mellie) on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Tracy Deuel wrote: > Once upon a time, melcocha wrote: >> >> Bzzt. Bzzzzzzzzt. > > Electrons think? They do. They think you're hot. They think my pants are too long. They also think that today is a good day to have hot chocolate. > Do you have any idea how much this is going to > complicate my life, you evil woman? Well, I try. > Tracy- maybe just a little, but still... Only a little? Damn. Did I mention that electrons feel, too? They feel for you. Chaka Khan. ------ [And that, of course, lead to the inevitable "Final Erection Thoughts":] 11/7/00 "The Midnight Rambler" on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc: Tracy Deuel wrote: > > Once upon a time, Stephen Cooke wrote: > > > > >I'm melting, I'm melting... > > > > You're just making that up! Everyone knows erections don't have > thoughts. > For the record, their thoughts usually run something like this: "HER! HER! OOH, WAIT! THAT ONE! NO! HOLD ON! THAT ONE ON THE CORNER!" (Sort of like having a puppy.)

11/8/00 on alt.fan.frank-zappa, "Moebius x" explains his name: It isn't Moebius Z because I am Moebius x, and that's x not X . The x is for the x co-ordinate of a Moebius band, (or something like that) it's also short for Vorte(x) as in Moebius Vortex , apart from that, I thought it sounded kind of good and kind of cartoonish, like a cartoon super- villain plotting to take over the world by fiendish means, a giant ray-gun, perhaps, which would be aimed a Washington and unless certain demands were met it would fire midget Scotsmen in kilts into the Whitehouse where they would infiltrate into the central heating system -completely screwing it up - so that, come the winter, the new President would say " Christ, it's cold in here, better turn up the heating " at which point the Midget Scotsmen would spring forth from every nook and cranny - bagpipes screaming, their rancid breath forming toxic clouds in the freezing air - and proceed to dance to Paul McCartney's "Mull of Kintyre" while exposing their ridged genitalia to the Whitehouse staff, thus bringing America to its knees. And they called me insane! Just you wait and see... mark my words.

12/6/00 overcooked on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Steve Cobham wrote: > >Indeed. Here in the UK a full hand count after a general election can >be completed well within 12 hours of the polls closing. That includes >a recount in some electorates as well; the first results are declared >within 4-5 hours of the end of polling. In the USA, there are more than six people voting.

[Editor's note: I don't know why, but Noah's deadpan replies always crack me up...] 12/11/00 Noah Samuel Lesgold on rec.music.progressive: Adam Levin writes: > On 11 Dec 2000, Noah Samuel Lesgold wrote: > > Adam Levin writes: > > > > > I picked up a copy of "Things to Come" on Saturday and I can only add > > > "ditto" > > > > Unfortunately, someone beat me to the $9 copy NSA was selling, so all > > I can add to this discussion right now is, > > > > "You Bitch!" > > Who's your daddy now? You're my daddy, Adam.

12/14/00 Adam Levin on rec.music.progressive: On 14 Dec 2000, MSARYBEEP wrote: > > Finally, a president who can restore dignitude to our highest office. Dignitude, moralism and a sense of nationistic pride in being Americanian. My heart is swelled with anticipification of our country's glorified future.

12/20/00 "Moebius x" on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Date: Wed, 20 Dec 2000 14:52:44 -0000 D Milhouse Gilger wrote: > -Well, I celebrate Giftmas, since we all know Christmas actually had > nothing to do with Jesus... What do you mean? Surely Jesus has every thing to do with Christmas. I mean, on Christmas eve, Jesus flies round the world, delivering toys and such like to good boys and girls, does he not. He even takes the trouble to pound nails through the hands and feet of any boy or girl who has walked the unrighteous path of the evil one named SANTA, scourging and mortifying their flesh as he does so. Jesus also comes down the Chimney, in the dead of night, as a protest against the practise of sending small boys up chimneys in the dead of night. Occasionally, Jesus will meet a small boy halfway down a Chimney and will nail him there as a symbol of his never ending love. Jesus wears a red suit and has a large white beard which turns black when he climbs chimneys. He died so that we might all have a better shopping experience at the Mall of our choice. Three days after dying, he was back climbing chimneys for the expurgation of our sins. ...so don't tell me Christmas has nothing to do with Jesus.

[Note: I had to include this one just for the album title...] 01/04/01 TTuerff on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Just got word from my wife at home that the first box full of my CD, "Something to Sell at My Gigs," is sitting in our living room. (The rest of the order will arrive next week.) As much as I wish I could give each and every one of you a copy, the bank I got the loan from, and the friend who invested a tidy sum of money, don't think this is a good idea. So, if you're interested, and you have $15 sitting around, drop me a line and I'll give you my address. Trust me, it's funny. You'll like it.

1/11/01 Melvinhoe (aka Dave Lynch) on rec.music.progressive: Barbara and Barry Musmon come on down: >I wouldn't underestimate Nick's contribution on Spock's >but clearly the soul of Spock's Beard is Neal. I bought the soul of Spock's Beard off Ebay for $7.99. Makes a nice conversation piece, even if it's not much to look at. It's more freckled than you would imagine.

1/15/01 Biffy the Elephant Shrew on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Lewis wrote: >allergando An Italian music direction meaning "sneeze here."

[Unfortunately I missed the beginning of this thread, but I love these continuing predicitions for where progressive rock will go in 2001. You'll need to be a big prog-rock geek to get most of these:] 1/23/01 MSARYBEEP (aka Mike Sary) on rec.music.progressive: Continuing 2001: Aug 2001: Klaus Schulz joins Pink Floyd, productivity zooms from 1 release per 12 years to 12 releases in August alone. Sept 2001: Magna Carta releases " The Dawning Solar Wind Lights the Starsong": A tribute to Starcastle, featuring former & current members of Yes. Oct 2001: Philharmonie reforms and adds Bill Bruford & Tony Levin to explore "double trio" concept. November 2001: King Crimson release "The De-Kconstruction of Our Back Catalogue". Tunes include "Kcat Food", "DoKctor Diamond", and "I TalKc to the Wind".

[In a thread where someone asked what the term "knee jerk" means:] 1/23/01 "Dennis Guertin" on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Michael Gula wrote: > Steve-o Beastmaster wrote: > > > A knee jerk liberal or conservative is one who responds to political > > stimuli with platitudes. > > Oh-h-h-h, now I get it! I always got the mental picture of > someone jerking another person's kneecap. I was gonna say that but I'd only be pulling your leg.

1/24/01 moc.toofgib (aka Bogus Sodidrs) on rec.music.progressive: Remember the date - Tue, 23 Jan 2001 10:52:05 -0800 - for then it was that the mighty "*Legion* (Brendon Rapp)" penned these immortal words: >I don't know what Mac's want list is like, but I have a want list of >damn near 2,000 albums. God damn, not only is my record collection inferior, even my fucking *want list* is inferior! I give up. If it weren't for my 15" penis, I'd be in despair.

2/7/01 MSARYBEEP (aka Mike Sary) on rec.music.progressive:

(CORRECTION: Mac Beaulieu emailed me on Feb 5th, 2003 to say that he wrote the post below, cleverly imitating the esteemed Mr. Sary)

>>> global militsary spending, >> >>Gotta love that typo.-- > > Details of my 2001 defense budget can be found at: > www.cheapskate.tightwad.mothsinthewallet.com----Mike FTV Sary Doesn't it drive you crazy when people don't include a proper link? In my role as the great enlightener, let me fill you in on the details of Mike Sary's 2001 defense budget. I should stipulate, as is mentioned on Mike's site, that this information is Top Secret! He trusts us rmpers to keep our mouths shut! French TV recognizes that US defense spending has long suffered draconian budget cuts. These cuts have largely been taken from day-to-day military operations while the defense contractors and the fat cats in the pentagon haven't followed suit. Thus it has been determined, the time is ripe for a military coup. Il DucĂ Sary is planning to secede from The United States of America, thereby forming the sovereign nation of Kentucky. Newly released from his Articles of Warfare are the first two steps in a thoroughly meditated seige. Step 1: A hostile take-over of the Maker's Mark bourbon distillery. Expecting very little resistance here, they immediately move to... Step 2: The US Gold Reserve at Fort Knox and the Fort Knox Gold Mine. With most of the US military's operations having been shifted to assignments with more pressing needs (such as recruiting), security there has been replaced with middle school drop-outs from Harlen County. These barefooted, uni-toothed Jethros with sawed-off shotguns and bidirectional eyeballs should be putty in the hands of the French TV-stas when presented with their spoils of war: lifetime supplies of Makers Mark bourbon. Subjugation of the Kentucky populace will be easily achieved in the same manner. Of course, it would be presumptuous to assume they can win a war with The United States without any past conquests, even in light of the namsy-pamsy state our military is in. So as a training exercise and proving ground, they will be attacking the island nation of Saint Lucia (Canada was the other possibility but it was decided they should go for a more formidable challenge to prove their might). Volunteers are needed to help win this fight! Interested parties should please email Mike to join his group, Facsists United to Conquer Kentucky (we're looking for a catchy acronym so please submit your suggestions!). The fatal flaw in the plan being having NO idea where Saint Lucia is located. Currently taking a HARD look at New Albany, Indiana. --Generalissimo Mike FTV Sary

[A thread on alt.fan.frank-zappa entitled "The Spirit Of Radio Is Broken" brought out the closet Rush fans to try to outdo each other in combining Zappa and Rush song and album titles:] 2/8/01 on alt.fan.frank-zappa: Biffy the Elephant Shrew wrote: By-Tor And The Yellow Snow Dog --- Ville Kinnunen wrote: The Perfect Strangiato. --- Denis Griffin wrote: H.R. 2112 --- Denis Griffin wrote: Rush Rush Rush (A Token Of MY Xanadu) --- Jack P. Armstrong wrote: Need some Love of My Life --- Patrick Neve wrote: You Can't Exit Stage Left Anymore --- Denis Griffin wrote: A Farewell To King Kong --- Patrick Neve wrote: Drowning Witch Hunt --- Denis Griffin wrote: Fly By Night School --- MuffinManFZ (aka H. Hendricks) wrote: Leave That Thing Alone.... Don't You Ever Wash that Thing? Pygmy Twylyte Zone The Illinois Enemy Within Alien Shore Orifice The Speed of Dirty Love --- and Biffy the Elephant Shrew concluded: Dammit, I should have said SY-BORG and the Yellow Snow Dog. --- Also, some bright soul (sorry, I've lost the post so I'm not sure who it was) pointed out that Zappa's birthday is Dec. 21st, which in European format is 21/12.

[Editor's note: If there are any regular readers of these pages, you've probably noticed that updates have been getting less and less frequent. Well, I've decided that it's finally time to throw in the towel. Here's an oddly appropriate final entry:] 3/7/01 rushomancy (aka Melvinhoe aka David Lynch) wrote: >Nicholas Delonas wrote: > >: I haven't read all these books. Makes me want to read the ones I've >: missed. Unfortunately, I gave up reading fiction years ago. Don't be ridiculous. You're still reading Usenet.